SUPPORT FOR violence victims called crucial.

In Arkansas, 40.8% of women and 34.8% of men experience intimate partner violence, intimate partner sexual violence or stalking in their lifetime, according to an Oct. 6 news release from the Arkansas House of Representatives announcing that this month is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

“Regardless of who you are and what you might think your culture is around, or the types of people you have around you, every single person knows someone who has experienced domestic violence in their life at some point,” Elizabeth Childress, the director of residential services at Dorcas House in Little Rock, said. “It’s so entirely prevalent in today’s society, unfortunately, that you just can’t get away from it,” she said.

One way to help is by supporting shelters, through donations, volunteering or more. “Any donation is great, but it goes beyond that. It is participating in our in-shelter parties,” Megan McBroome, the director of development for Women and Children First in Little Rock, said. “Sharing our social media, signing up for a newsletter, taking a tour of their shelter, all of those things are crucial in helping spread that mission.

“So, whatever shelter you’re supporting in Arkansas, tap into what is actually going on in the shelter and become involved. Be present; that’s what we’re asking for. That’s how we’re going to really break the cycle of violence, getting everyone on board,” she said.

Arkansans can also help victims more directly.

Beth Sanders, executive director of the Arkansas Coalition Against Domestic Violence, said signs that may indicate someone is a victim of domestic violence include:

■ Jealousy. Their partner is jealous of everyone the victim spends time with that’s not them.

■ Isolation. The partner who is using violence might isolate the victim.

Sanders said that historically, abusers moved away with their victims, but now isolation can be more subtle. She said abusers might manipulate victims into believing that their family and friends don’t like them.

Other tactics abusers might use include:

■ Following/Stalking. Requiring or requesting login information to social media.

■ Controlling finances.

■ Talking badly about their partner. Sanders said she calls this “killing the dream” and it involves someone putting the victim down, convincing them they aren’t good enough.

■ Physical injuries without a good explanation.

“I think one of the biggest things to keep in mind is, if you see something, say something,” McBroome said. “Don’t be afraid to point your neighbor in the direction of Women and Children First, and don’t be afraid to question relationships that are yours or others that you know aren’t right. We have this tendency to ignore things that make us uncomfortable and because of that, we’re not saying anything.”

Sanders said Arkansans approaching possible victims should always do so in a supportive, private and kind way. She said avoiding “why” questions can minimize the risk of that person becoming defensive.

“Also, be prepared that they may not want to talk to you about it, or at least right now,” Sanders said. “So, when you bring it up, just let them know that you’re there whenever they’re ready to talk about it and that nothing in your relationship has to change just because you asked about it.”

Victims might be embarrassed, ashamed or unaware, she warned. “They don’t hand you a T-shirt and a welcome packet when you become a victim of domestic violence,” Sanders said. “They might not even hear what you have to say because they don’t identify their situation like that.”

She added that even if you don’t agree with the decisions a victim makes, you should still try to offer support. “You might be the only one who’s supporting their ability to choose things for themselves,” Sanders said, “and you never want to offer help with strings.”

Shannon Haward, the lead victim advocate and programs coordinator at Margie’s Haven House in Cleburne County, urges those who know domestic violence victims to be patient with them and to not judge them for returning to their abusers. The average number of times a victim returns to their abuser is seven, she said.

Karin Huffman, a court advocate with Family Violence Prevention in Batesville, said, “Once you get past the physical part, then you have to delve into the mental aspect of it. And a lot of [victims] do go back [to their abuser].”

The “important part is that we always welcome them back. Always,” Billie Grady, executive director of the Batesville organization, said.

But “domestic violence is everybody’s problem, and it’s everybody’s responsibility,” Sanders said. McBroome added, “I always tell people when I leave them that I am now passing that baton to you. You are now an advocate against domestic violence.”

“I think one of the biggest things to keep in mind is, if you see something, say something.” — Megan McBroome, the director of development for Women and Children First in Little Rock